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Katy Winship

20 Feb 2017

Give Up Giving Up On Yourself

It's February, it's grey and drizzly outside and it has been for what seems like an eternity, it's difficult to drag your body out of bed never mind raise a smile. It's easy to feel like quitting on life- you put on another pound, you were stuck in traffic and were late, you aren't performing at work or at home the way we think we should be, you haven't seen your friends- sometimes you can feel like just throwing in the towel, running away or even exploding!

You're Not Alone

At this time of year it's not unusual that we let things get on top of us and no doubt the lack of sun contributes to this, but we shouldn't feel alone in feeling inadequate and change our perspectives on ourselves. Mindfulness expert Ruby Wax agrees and writes:

'Accept that you're not the only one thinking 'I'm not good enough', the good news is everybody has that feeling, so learn to live with it. Change your relationship towards your thoughts: accept them rather than be at their mercy.'

Everybody Fails

So what- things didn't work out, did you die? The old adage 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is a known saying for a reason. Accept that it's OK to fail, it doesn't make you a failure. Let's consider celebrity venture Tidal, the music streaming service which was tipped to overtake Spotify, it was a complete failure but we don't consider rapper Jay-Z (the owner) a failure. In fact many millionaires have had failed businesses before making it big- for example; it took Colonel Saunders 1009 attempts to sell his KFC chicken recipe to a restaurant and it took Sylvester Stallone over 1500 attempts to sell his 'Rocky' script- so the message is it's OK to fail, keep persisting!

Stop trying to fix yourself and forcing yourself to do things you don't really want to do.

Another unsuccessful diet? Another broken promise to yourself? How does that make you feel? Rubbish no doubt! Throwing in the towel has given you less self-esteem than before you set your (perhaps unrealistic) goal. If you really want to do something you will find a way, don't make yourself miserable in the meantime about what you think you should be doing. It's a recipe for disaster if your heart isn't fully in something. Don't set yourself up for failure- you'll only give yourself a hard time and there are already enough people around poised and ready to do that for you.

Focus on things you can control instead of focusing on outcomes.

So you're frustrated at work? You're trying to save money and work towards something- perhaps a new car, a house, a holiday and you just feel like it's all out of reach? Our culture of instant gratification combined with our lack of patience makes it easy for us all to want things there and then that we forget that things take work and time. Make your goal achievable- try planning for weekly changes to be able to change the big picture, if you need a certain amount of money for your goal make a financial plan, if you have a project make a weekly plan of what needs to be achieved meet the deadline. Also, think about changing yourself- for example; if you want a new career then think about what you can change on your CV and maybe how you can change your experiences by doing some volunteering in the short term. Only you and you alone can succeed if you put in the work- take a seed in a flower pot- the flower only grows if it is nurtured and watered regularly and that doesn't happen overnight.

Part two next week!

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